It is amazing that as time passes we need to remind ourselves of where we have been and where we are going. Cancer treatments taught me to live one day at a time, but living at times takes that away from you. When this starts to happen to me, I have to take the time to rewind and evaluate my life journey. It is amazing when you come to a place in your life when you can understand the things you have done wrong, and admit it to yourself. To take ownership in what we have done to others, and understand the need for change.
It is hard for many of us to accept our flaws. It is so much easier to blame others for own sorrow, our pain, our discomfort. I have made the mistake of allowing others to make me feel a certain way. It is a process, but when you learn to accept yourself and your true value, it doesn’t matter what others think. It continues to be a work in progress for me.
We all have our stories. We all have endured some kind of crisis. It is learning how to handle these situations appropriately and make positive change, and not lose who you are in between. Working in the nursing industry for 20 years of my life has had a huge impact of who I am. If you are a good nurse, it is perceived by your peers that you know everything. If you ask questions and ask others around you to help you grow as a medical professional, you can be perceived as weak. No matter how the industry at times has made me feel about myself, I still am blessed by all of the patients that I have cared for. You see, each and every patient that I have come in contact with helped me grow. Whether you helped them to see the positives in life and want to keep living or held the hand of a patient that is dying by themselves, you have made a positive difference in their lives.
I started as a hospital volunteer or candy striper when I was 14 years old. I have volunteered hundred of hours because helping others is such a strong part of who I am since a very young age. My dad would say, Nique, you’re biggest weakness is your heart. Yes, I have hurt others in the 47 years of my existence, but I try to reflect on that and fix the parts of me that are broken. The hardest life changing event in my life was the passing of my father. Life has never been the same. I started hoarding rescue dogs, turned my emotions off to everyone around me, and never wanting to feel the kind of deep hurt from loving someone again.
None of these behaviors will ever bring my dad back. That is why I embraced my second battle with breast cancer. The chemotherapy had killed all types of cells in my body, good and bad. It felt like a catharsis to the bottom of my soul.
“So you look for patterns because that’s what humans do to try and make sense of things. In hope of some divine order. And you look in movies and songs and the things that you read for symbols, points and swirls that match your own. But the only real pattern there is, the one you make when you hold up a mirror. And reflect.” ~ I Wrote This for You